Give yourself permission to be the person you want to be.
COUNSELING FOR MEN IN ARKANSAS
Therapy for cisgender and transgender men and those assigned male at birth in Arkansas. Offering online counseling and Walk-Talk Therapy at Kessler Mountain Regional Park in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
YOU’RE USED TO BEING A PROBLEM SOLVER. BUT ONE PROBLEM HAS YOU STUMPED.
That’s the problem that has you on this page. You’ve tried to apply all of the skills that normally serve you well. You’ve tried to outthink it, get more disciplined, distract yourself from it, suck it up and deal with it, and even treat the problem like it doesn’t exist.
But it’s still there. Even if it seems like you have it under control for a while, it comes back – maybe worse than before. Emotionally, you might be suppressing a lot – except when it comes out explosively.
Meanwhile, this problem is also affecting the rest of your life. It makes your job stress worse. Maybe that stress follows you home and affects your relationship with others. Perhaps it has you feeling isolated and wondering where are the people in your life who would have your back? You want to open up to others, maybe share that you’re struggling. But you worry about how they’ll react and fear they’ll see you as weak.
Anything like happiness or joyfulness feels distant, like a luxury you can’t afford. Anxiety and anger are about the only emotions that feel real.
WHEN TRYING TO “MAN UP” ISN’T ENOUGH
Whether cis or trans, men and those assigned male at birth (AMAB) often seek counseling for a number of reasons including:
The pressures of performing masculinity and living up to societal expectations.
Struggling with emotional intelligence and disconnection from feelings.
Relationship struggles like intimacy, infidelity, or divorce.
Questions related to sexuality or gender identity.
Processing grief in healthy, natural ways.
Isolation, loneliness, and lack of friend groups.
TALK FREELY. TAKE ACTION.
Maybe you’re afraid that therapy will just be a bunch of talk and no action. You want solutions, not someone asking you, “And how did that make you feel?” every other minute.
There might also be things you want to talk about that you’re afraid will be too sensitive to discuss with a therapist who isn’t quite like you, or that you’ll be mocked or rejected. These might be things like porn addiction, video game addiction, or worries around erectile dysfunction, sexual health and performance.
You might also worry that you’ll be seen as weak. But nothing could be further from the truth. It takes strength to open up, be present, and do what matters.
HOW CAN COUNSELING FOR MEN HELP?
For starters, you don’t have to do this alone anymore. Let someone have your back.
Therapy for men often looks a little different than what you might typically think of when you picture therapy, because it shouldn’t be a one-size-fits-all deal. It’s even been suggested some forms of counseling actually wind up making problems worse for men and AMAB folks.
Ultimately, what our work looks like will depend on your style and your needs. We’ll work with your way of doing things, not against it. There are, however, often some common elements to my approach to counseling that include:
EXPLORE
Our initial sessions will approach things with a spirit of exploration. Dealing with your problems is often a lot like a survival situation, and getting a lay of the land is helpful. We’ll identify your obstacles to help get an idea of how to overcome them.
SET YOUR COURSE
As we navigate your situation, we’ll look at where you want to go so we can get an idea of how we’re going to get you there. This puts the focus on what you want more of in life rather than your problems alone.
MAKE IT HAPPEN
Once we know where you want to go and what stands in your way, we’ll build the skills you need to overcome your obstacles and be the person you want to be. You will be challenged to grow, but also supported in that challenge.
BECOME THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE. THERAPY CAN HELP.
Whether you’re a cis man, trans man, or person who was AMAB wanting to break the chains that confine you – you can be the person you aspire to be. Counseling for men and AMAB folks can help you:
Become a better father, parent, husband, or partner.
Improve communication.
Feel confident in who you are.
Open up to more of your emotions.
Manage stress and control anger.
Navigate changes in life.
COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT COUNSELING FOR MEN
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Yes and no. Forget this business about Mars and Venus. Men are human and we all have common things we experience as humans. You get scared and angry. You feel sad. You experience joy.
But how you are allowed to express these things can vary depending on your culture, religion, and the gender you were assigned at birth. Men are often allowed less emotional expression and taught less emotional intelligence than those assigned female at birth. Anger is often the main form of expression allowed.
Men are also less likely to seek help for mental health like anxiety and depression and even day to day challenges like dealing with stress or coping with grief.
The stigma against admitting to their struggles for fear of being labeled as “weak” often leads men to bottle things up, avoid their feelings, and turn to unhelpful ways of coping such as excessive use of drugs, alcohol, pornography, and gaming.
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The therapy space provides a place that is confidential and free of judgment. During a therapy session, you can express the things you want in the ways you want without worrying about how you’ll be perceived by others.
My approach to therapy is also informed by my previous work as a teacher and as someone with training in physical fitness. Many men’s experience with therapy is someone who is sweet and caring and lets them feel heard and validated but without actually challenging them to change. While I will always make sure we’re not overloading you with too much too soon, I realize you may choose to work with me because you want actual change.
The number one thing I hear from many clients, especially men, is, “I need someone to call me out on my bullshit.” And that’s what I’ll do, because you’re not getting your money’s worth if I just let you spin your wheels without getting anywhere.
I don't want you to just feel better. I want to help you live better!
Much like the idea of progressive resistance in the gym, we’ll assess where you’re at now and where you want to be to determine how you want to be challenged. But, rather than loading the bar up with 100 pounds, we’ll start bit by bit. You’ll grow and adapt and increase your skills a little at a time. Once you’re comfortable at one level, we’ll start moving to the next.
Therapy for Men’s Issues helps create a plan to challenge your growth edge, holds you accountable for making change, but also supports you when you struggle so you don’t get stuck beating yourself up for struggling.
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I won't force you to do anything, but I will challenge you to connect with your emotions more.
Becoming more emotionally intelligent doesn't mean you have to display those emotions any more than you want to. If you want to become more emotionally expressive then we can certainly work toward that.
The main point of bringing more emotional awareness into life is to empower you to choose how you react to those emotions - rather than automatically suppressing them, ignoring them, or bottling them up until they explode in a fit of anger.
Think of emotions as information to help you be the better version of yourself you want to be.
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The use of ethical pornography and safe, consensual, healthy sexual exploration - including ethical nonmonogamy - can be a natural part of exploring one’s sexuality or gender identity. However, the use of porn or sex as a tool for coping or distraction from other underlying problems can become problematic - as well as feelings of shame or guilt around enjoyment of these or issues related to secrecy and other behaviors that conflict with your personal values.
Porn and sex addiction, as they are typically described, are not recognized by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) due to a lack of empirical evidence to support such a classification. You can read their stance in more detail by clicking here.
Rather than treating “porn addiction” or “sex addiction,” our work would focus on the deeper problems that create a difficult relationship with otherwise healthy forms of pleasure, self-exploration, and intimacy to a degree that becomes unhealthy and disruptive of the life you want to be living.
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Erectile dysfunction - or "erectile reliability" as some professionals have renamed it - can have different causes. If the cause is medical, such as in the case of nerve damage, blood pressure issues, or testosterone levels then you are best served by going to see a doctor about this.
On the other hand, erectile function can be affected by mental health issues as well. Stress, anxiety, depression, substance use, and distractions such as self-doubt or questions about your sexuality or gender, your sexual performance, and your partner's enjoyment can affect your ability to be present in the moment and experience pleasure.
The effects of aging can also affect your mental health. As we age, it is very natural for people with a penis to lose the ability to get and maintain an erection with the same reliability as they used to. This is why I call it “erectile reliability” instead of dysfunction, because this change is actually a natural part of aging. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s not frustrating, embarrassing, and potentially damaging to your self-concept.
Coming to terms with these changes, moving past embarrassment to consult a doctor if you wish, and learning to experience intimacy and pleasure in ways that don’t require an erect penis are all things that can be worked on in therapy sessions.